Cancer haunts our home.

My son is 9 turning 10 soon, he is a normal happy and healthy boy who freaks out 4 times a week about the word “Cancer”. I lost my grandmother to cancer before he was born. In his lifetime we have lost 2 family members on each side of the family to cancer. During one of those tragic losses he had a routine check-up with his physician that changed his life forever.

We had just said our hardest goodbye ever to my son’s 14yr old cousin the week prior. Our hearts were still very heavy and my family was in a very vulnerable state. Of course, his doctor had no idea what we had gone through the previous week and that’s not exactly something that comes up in casual conversation with someone you see only every few months. However, all that said and done, I never expected the next words to come out of her mouth.

“Mrs.Orona, I need you to keep a very close eye on Christian’s skin condition, this moe on his pelvis imparticular can be a very early sign of skin cancer, if you notice irregularity in the color or size I need you to bring him to me immediately.”

My heart sunk.

I died a little that day when I saw my child’s reaction. He’s a smart young man who can connect dots really quickly and he understood the intensity of the situation. I knew he was terrified and I was furious that she would be so insensitive to say something like that in front of a child.

I was broken. He was frightened.

I did my best to calm him and explain the difference between a precaution and a diagnosis, but it was still the hardest conversation I’ve ever had with my son.

Now, 1yr later, when he showers or changes his clothes he comes to me and asks me to check his moe. Several times a week I find myself staring at his moe hoping it hasn’t changed and that I can say for the 98th time “Looks normal baby, no need to worry, it has not changed”.
We are tormented by the thought of the process, but we monitor diligently as we were asked to. This is my life now, this is his life. We live in fear haunted by the thought of cancer.

Advertisements

Why You Should Make Your Man Dessert!

I was checking out at the local Walmart one afternoon and I got into a 15 items or less lane. I placed my items on the rolling belt, a box of cake mix and a can of peach slices.

The young woman who seemed to be in her mid-twenties looked up and asked me how my day was then asked me if I was baking a cake, I smiled, and said “Yes”. She asked “what’s the occasion?” I pressume she was expecting for me to say it was someone’s birthday or perhaps that I have to take it to an office party tomorrow.. I  said, “well, it’s our dessert after dinner tonight.” She looked completely shocked as she gave me my total and said, “What!? Your man gets dessert after dinner!!??” I said “yes, yes he does” as I handed her my crisp twenty. She said, “but you look like you just got out of work and now you’re about to go home and make him dinner AND dessert?”

I smiled at her position on the matter and looked into her eyes as I took my change, I leaned in to a discreet whisper and said,  “As women, there are many ways to reward our men for doing right by us, but the softest most gentle “thank you” only comes from a batch of warm soft cookies, rich moist brownies and a fresh baked cake.” She smiled as if an old memory had flooded her with emotions and her big brown eyes lit up with enlightenment. I thanked her and grabbed my bag and hurried home to start dinner.

-MCO

 

Couples who share a Facebook account are the equivalent to couples who share toothbrushes. (It’s disgusting)

“Babe, let’s share Facebook accounts!?”, is how I imagine this conversation beginning. I’m sure it starts off like a good idea, but I am here to tell you it is NEVER ok to share social media accounts, email accounts or passwords with your partner! With very few exceptions, this should be the law in your relationship. I will get to the exceptions at the end of this piece, however, if you are afraid of being one of the guilty parties associated with this tacky trend feel free to scroll down now to determine if you and your partner are safe from ridicule.

Shared accounts scream trust issues, clinginess, insecurities, dependency issues, not to mention some serious deep rooted abandonment issues.

Your partner is entitled to their own account, if you cannot trust them with social media you cannot trust them period. The real question here is, Who is the one with the personal issues? Them, for not being trustworthy? Or you, for thinking you can track or interfere with their scandals?

Here are 10 reasons why I am against shared social media accounts:

  1. Grow up; it’s social media not a bank account or house mortgage. This does not make your relationship more official.
  2. Gross, do you really want to see all of your partner’s family’s stupid posts about their dog chasing their tail?
  3. Friends and estranged family refrain from reaching out because they are afraid to cause problems for the relationship.
  4. Your friends can’t tell who the heck is the one commenting! Seriously! This has to be the most annoying thing in life… right above paper cuts, and below the hiccups. “Robert&Penny liked this photo” “David&Nikki commented on your post” UGH! For the love of French fries, just stop it!
  5. Your partner’s past drama becomes your current drama. We’ve all had it happen, that one person who is still holding a grudge from seventh grade DM’s you or makes a childish remark on a mutual friend’s page, or comments something rude on a photo you are tagged in. “OMG is that Brian! I didn’t think he could get any fatter! Lol.” – Now, All of a sudden this one little irrelevant human has pissed off Brian’s girlfriend because she feels it’s a personal attack that she has to answer to because her phone dinged telling her someone commented on the photo.
  6. Everyone talks crap about you! Yes! Everyone! Even your aunt who has 100 cats thinks you are a sad lonely soul for sharing your social media account with your partner.
  7. You Can’t Cheat! This one is complicated but hear me out… Your partner should always be able to cheat on you if they want to. Nothing should be holding them back from being able to entertain someone else’s attention other than their willingness to be faithful and their loyalty to you. You do not own him/her, if your partner wants to cheat they should be able to if that’s the road they choose, and you should have enough self respect to walk away from someone who is not able to give you the piece of mind and assurance that they only have eyes for you. This ideology, takes time and maturity, especially if you are in a relationship that thrives on your fear of abandonment.
  8. Privacy; they should be able to have private conversations with their family and friends. You do not own him/her.
  9. Ladies, it makes you look silly for staying with someone you do not trust & can easily control.
  10. Gentlemen, it makes you look like a pushover and huge creep who cannot be trusted by his lady.

Now, for the few exceptions:

Military Families: A Mom or Dad overseas or in active duty does not always have the time or resources to connect while on duty so sharing accounts is a genius thing to do! It’s a family album where a soldier could log on every few weeks and see what the kiddos have been up to. Family members & friends can tag the couple in memories & group photos and they both get to enjoy the reminders of what life was before they were deployed.

Partner with Disability: Being able to assist your partner in connecting with family and friends from the past is a beautiful thing. It shows love and passion for your partner. It is a respectable act of kindness for you to want your partner to have a healthy social life. On this note, I would add that it is acceptable to have their login and password to assist them with signing in, however, them having their own name and default photo may be just the boost they need to feeling a little independent.

Dysfunctional Couples: If both of you are on board for having shared social media accounts after reading this article, you deserve each other. While you’re at it, you should share toothbrushes!

Thanks for reading!

-MCO